Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Are you my Mother or Father?

I guess the whole world know that the Netherlands was the first country to legalize same-sex marriages. But many people do not know that this controversial and divisive policy had to struggle through a historical dispute and debate in chambers of the Dutch parliament. Despite the liberal attitudes espoused by many Dutch, the ratification of this policy into law produced negative sentiments amongst the conservatives in the country.

And once more, the flatland has put itself in the frontier of the changing times...

“A new law, still in preparation, will make it possible for same-sex couples in the Netherlands to adopt foreign children. Although Justice Minister Piet Hein Donner says it will change little in practice, the political parties behind the new law want to put an end to this form of 'discrimination' sooner rather than later.

Under current legislation, same-sex couples in the Netherlands can adopt, but only children born and living in the country. They are not eligible to adopt foreign children, although one partner in such a couple may do so on an individual basis. The adopted child then has just one legal parent.”

A quote from Star Bulletin.

I have not yet met a gay couple with a kid here, well just not yet... though I have seen these families featured on the TV a couple of times. They, surprisingly just like other families, look like they live normal lives. But I am quite curious to learn about the positive and negative consequences experienced by the kid being brought up by a same sex Mom or Dad?

Because individualism, respect, and tolerance, are encouraged and harped in the Dutch society, I presume the kids involved in these relationships will face less bullying incidents --- though I am not totally ruling this out. Bullies are everywhere anyway, they even thrive on the internet and age doesn’t limit them to 10 years old. Needless to say, at least here in NL, having same a sex mom and dad is not a cloak-and-dagger situation.

And like any western country, adoption here is a big challenge. There are barely children given up year after year for adoption. The waiting list is an exasperating long queue. So couples seek quick remedy to their familial desires by looking into countries in the poorer regions of Africa, Asia, and Latin America. But for same sex couples, it seems to be a gridlock, well at this early stage, to adopt foreign kids.

“At the moment, according to our information, there's not one country which allows children to be adopted by foreign same-sex couples […] In that sense, there's a risk that it'll turn out to be a bit of an empty gesture.” – Dutch Justice Minister Donner said.

To read the whole article, click here: RADIO NETHERLANDS

An advice to foreign people: Do not ever
attempt to understand how a cloghead thinks.

They are true pragmatists at heart, in mind, and in actions.
Ah, love them Dutch ---sometimes.


  1. Let me be the first to comment on this topic. Being true Dutch, I might even add something (don't keep your hopes up though... lol!). Anyway, I think that same-sex adoption is ok, I guess it's better for these kids to be loved by someone rather than to rot away in an orphanage, don't you? Anyway, I guess there will be bullying, but still, bullies pick on just anyone they think they can pick on. So I guess it shouldn't be such a problem, as long as the parents are human. Love is universal. Don't you think?

  2. Anonymous12:53 pm

    This is a heavy and sensitive subject for many people. However, just for the sake of knowledge, it would be interesting to know which countries would be brave enough to allow adoption to same sex couples in Holland.

  3. Elja, you are in this case a typical dutch! hehe. i do undertand your reason and i know many other dutch people would say the same thing. it all points to having reached a practical solution for the orphaned kids. dutch pragmatism.

    en hey, gefeliceteerd! je gaat naar frankrijk! leuk hoor! wanneer en hoe lang blijf je daar?


    Yeah, that would be interesting to know indeed! i will keep watch of this issue and see which countries will approve the same sex couples adoption of a kid. any country come into mind?

  4. RE: en hey, gefeliceteerd! je gaat naar frankrijk! leuk hoor! wanneer en hoe lang blijf je daar?

    Dankjewel! Ik ga in september, en kom weer terug in juli/augustus van het volgende jaar... Maar dat is nog niet alles: daarna moet ik ook nog 6 maanden op stage in het buitenland! Het houd ook niet op... :)!

  5. Anonymous10:59 pm

    I've seen a gay couple with 2 naughty boys in the Phils. They look after the boys just what mothers do with their little ones.
    They lokm great.

  6. Anonymous12:58 am

    hmm, another first for the Netherlands?
    While I would neither endorse nor encourage it, I know for a fact that some men can care for children just as women can. a point mentioned earlier was that better in a loving environment than remain a "case" in an orphanage.
    However, the question anonymous put forward is one I'd like to know the answer to... so they can adopt, but from where???

  7. My husband and I looked into foreign adoption in Kazykstan and in a couple South American countries. All of the countries we looked allowed adoption by married heterosexual couple or single women. No married gay couples. No single men. Some countries now also discrimate against a potential parent based on weight. Like a kid is better off in an orphanage than with a fat mom?

  8. Elja:, Dit is Caen Universiteit toch? Waar ligt deze school in Frankrijk? Nou, heel veel succes met je voorbereiden en houd je op nog je blog? Ik hoop het hoor... en schrijf je daar je ervaring en laat je ons de foto´s zien? Waar wil je het liefst naartoe voor je stage? Buiten Europa?

    Ara:, I see that you have a blogger account. Do you blog now? Gay in the Philippines is very much accepted, though taking care of children is not. Our hairdresser (he is gay and he has a son, his own blood from marriage, he got married in the past to a woman before he discovered he was gay!), he was the mother and father of his own son... and he does have boyrfriends. I wonder what the boy thinks?

    G, yeah G another first, lol. Same sex couples here can adopt, but only Dutch children not adopt outside NL/foreign kids. I too am torn between endorsing it and not, I would prefer not to give a strong opinion about it. But like you, where will they adopt foreign kids? WHERE nga? It would really be interesting when this bill is legislated into law and see which countries will come cooperate.

    Michelle, hey, have you tried asian countries? Aside from kazakhstan? Good luck though!

    "No married gay couples. No single men. Some countries now also discrimate against a potential parent based on weight. Like a kid is better off in an orphanage than with a fat mom?"

    I probably could understand the gay couples reasoning since that is still considered unacceptable by many countries, but single men and a fat mom? That is pure DISCRIMINATION!

  9. Hey, Caen ligt in Normandie, vlak bij Le Havre in het westen op de hoogte van Parijs. Maar wel lekker bij de zee... :)!

    Ik weet nog niet waar ik heen wil voor stage... misschien Engeland/Schotland/Wales maar ik moet eerst maar een stage-plaats vinden, hihi!

    En ik houd mijn blog wel hoor! Ik ga misschien ook een Nederlandse versie maken maar dat laat ik je nog weten!

  10. No, we didn't look at any other countries. We were just checking out this one agency in particular that countries that agency deals with. We aren't really serious yet. Next month, we are going to an adoption seminar just to find out more information about adoption in general. We might try being foster parents for local kids first (babies only).

  11. Elja: engeland of schotland? het regent daar non-stop! okay, succes! :-)

    Michelle: yeah fostering would be a good step for now. at least that would give you both the feeling of whats it like. anywho, goodspeed!


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