Sunday, July 01, 2007

I can’t get no satisfaction

Normal women always moan about their weight, their hair, their partners, and just about everything. Just like me. Pretty normal I guess. But last Thursday, I had one of those painful awakening. An awakening that made me so angry I swore I am not giving in. Never ever. I will fight! YES!

OK, now I got you interested. The story goes like this.

Being in a strenuous quota-measured job, I am always working late until everyone has left and only the cleaning man and I are tinkering around in the pod. So I told myself I need to have a life during work days too. Thursday evening was a good time to go out because the shops are open late. I promised the overworked me to leave a bit early that day and find something really nice to treat myself. When I say leave a bit early, this means leaving at 6PM sharp, unfortunately.


In one shop, a dress caught my attention. A white sleeveless frock designed in Marilyn Monroe petit style with printed black flowers. A large wrap around black belt accented the dress and the skirt was so pretty, it was flowing, summery and just very, very girly. I fell in love with it! So I quickly rushed in to search for a size 36 and marched excitedly to the dressing room to fit the marvelous thing. Ooh, I can’t wait! I was already thinking of wearing this on the first day of our Singapore stay before we fly to Cebu, Philippines.

See, I am rarely out there shopping for stuff but when I am excited, I really am excited.

Alright, did some tush wiggling, waggling, pulling, pushing, stomach in, and breasts out. Eh, WTF? Why this freaking dress won’t fit me? @#$%^&*!

Panic. Sheer panic. Hysterics! My world has crumbled down to pieces. Earth shattering earthquake rocked the small fitting room -- OMG! I can’t fit in to this 36 dress!!! !!!

Well, let’s say that the dress fitted my body when I breathe in and don’t breathe out, and the boob section is left open. Apparently, they have, erm... eh, you get the point.

I left the shop with slumped shoulders and in sunken spirits. The awakening has wounded me terribly, and low, real low. Firstly, goodbye pretty dress (it was on sale for 50%, so double ouch) and secondly, the realization that I won’t fit in to a 36 dress was truly a sad reality. I am mourning. On the contrary though, there are 34 sizes disguising as 36, but still, I used to fit in easily to a 34 size too in the past. *sob!*

At any rate, last night I dared to stand on the weighing scale. For weeks, months, and even years I have been very elusive and have successfully ignored this intimidating thing. Dutchman thought its pretty hilarious that I am so terrified of the weighing scale, or at the remote idea of standing on it.

BUT! I am resolved; I am going to fight this fear so I stepped on it!

On the weighing scale it says: 57 kilos

Oh, not bad? Not really bad. I thought I was heavier? Like 60 to 65.

Quickly checked the BMI website and typed in my height 158cm vs. 57 kilos. The computer screen before me said I am by far very healthy and that I have a normal weight. Aw c’mon, who are they kidding me?

I still could not believe it. No, could not believe it.

Does this mean in the last 5 years stay in this country, I have only gained 8 kilos? I thought I have put on 15 kilos or something? Since when have I become so pessimistic? lol

I actually have evidence of my last recorded weight: a registration from the Land Transportation Organization (LTO) of the Philippines when I renewed my Drivers license on June 2002, wherein after 2.5 months, I left for the Netherlands.

49 kg!

*Sigh* those were the days. I was 32 then.

Anyhow, I have been now eating one sliced brown wheat bread every morning with coffee without sugar. For lunch, green salad with tomatoes and cucumber are on the plate. In the evening is something similar too.


I also bought this special chewing gum to relieve myself the needless desire to eat when this hidden monster attacks me, and some herbal medication to help cleanse my system and mitigate fast bowel movement.

Then of course I would need to move more, but the pathetic weather in this country never encouraged me to do so. I am just so dying to stretch my muscles and do brisk walking. Sometimes it’s nice to put the blame on the weather when you are lazy you know. It’s the easiest justification I suppose, he-he. Actually, I still have to buy a pair of running shoes, and perhaps I will buy this in the Philippines when we are there.

Goal is to get down to 50. Dutchman bargained 52 kg would be appropriate. Hmm, okay.

Well, I’m shallow (just like a lot of women). I just want to fit into my sexy halter tops again without showing off those jumbo arms and holding my breath and still feeling fat. Fat perhaps can be subjective as people tell me I am not fat at all. But there lay the differences in each individual’s standards, I guess.

Yesterday, I also took a picture of me with my blow dried hair and saw a face that is quite foreign to me (see the left foto below).


Left foto is Maria Clara, simple and um, virginal, think the straight hair did it, while the right foto is the effect of my hair after tying it into a bun overnight, taken this morning... and voila, my hair has a bounceful drop with lovely curls. Yeah, this is just done by tying the hair into a bun overnight, so great tip for the girls!

This picture on the left above somewhat reminds me of the proper Filipina Maria Clara (symbol and personification of the true Filipina virtue and nobility) portraits during Dr. Jose Rizal’s days, circa 1800. Like I am so demure, conservative, prudish, chaste, submissive and virginal, the typical woman a man brings home to his mother for dinner, ha-ha. Oh dear, this makes me choke, lol.

So I am posting this one up here for a change. It’s not harmful to think of ourselves as the opposite of what we truly are, well, from time to time. Dutchman says I am so ingetogen (modest and quiet) in this foto which does not really fit the real me. He thinks the foto is a downgrade, which is a laugh! The right foto though he finds normal.

Nevertheless back on to the hair, I rarely blow dry and style my hair in this country. Due to the eternal rain that falls in this place and the constant wind blowing, it is totally pointless. Why waste 30 minutes tugging and jerking your hair when given a minute, the rain and wind will just sweep all your efforts and styled hair away anyway?

But these pictures above are liberating to me, and to those women who are dependent on blow drying and styling. In this drizzly and windy swampland, we don’t really have much choice... but sometimes, we just have to do it. Go ahead, blow dry and style your hair! Against all odds, simply, for the sake of our sanity.

Lang leve fohning in Nederland!

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