Some strange interviews I have had

An excerpt from the e-mail of the HR Manager: “Please bring your diploma and your last salary specification.”

I thought the -bring your diploma- was odd enough when I am not a starter. I am old [will be 36 soon] and my years of work experience mattered most. But the –bring your last salary specification- ? Huh, what gives?

So I recollected myself and thought that perhaps they reacted like this, quite defensive, because I was not upfront with them on the salary that I wanted. Well honey, I am a sales person, I don’t sell myself short. I negotiate my worth. ---But, they want to see my last salary slip? Uh-huh... this is a huge red flag on diplomacy relations [aren’t salary slips supposed to be confidential?] and a possibility that this company is a major cheapo.

After inspecting my salary slip, the Managing Director quipped, “I’m sorry but we can’t give the same salary. You have 10 years ICT experience but not in our branch. For that amount we would prefer someone who has at least 5 years experience in our specific product. We will think it over and will inform you in a week’s time.”

I don’t have to wait a week for their response. The message is clear as the noonday sun.

***

HR Manager asking, “How would you react if one of your colleagues speaks ill of another colleague in front of you?”

Now, now, that makes me wonder if the company is occupied and haunted with gossipmongers? In fact it tells me that there is something fishy going on.

The question anyway, in my opinion, is not professional enough as it shrouds a cloud of negativity on the company. It’s probably fine to ask these questions on a Personality-Company Culture Fit Test but hellooo this is an interview! And considering that I am an applicant, and a discriminating observant one to add, came the message across to me as something rather too people centric, too suspicious, too personal and thus too petty.

There are in fact creative and tactful ways of presenting the same moral of a question such as rephrasing it to, “How do you handle office politics?” That would have been more apt.

But to answer her question, I said, “I work independently and I do not join clique 'n clan communes and gossip exploits in the office. I have no time for this.”

And additionally, I furthered with something like this, “However, to me, the mere fact [or act] that this colleague is talking ill of another colleague in front of me will automatically send red flags towards my direction. What makes me think I am immune to this person’s fangs? Who knows, next month, I will be this person’s new topic of interest. I would rather keep out.”

***

An interesting lifestyle question was thrown at me, “Do you smoke?”

Wha... WTF? Is this lifestyle discrimination? It’s not like the company is selling oil or any flammable delicate chemical substances that smoking is an issue?

So I replied, “I smoke but I am more like a social smoker. The last time I smoked was 2 months ago.”

The response though was, “Wow 2 months ago, that’s long!”

The bitch in me was itching to slap her with, “Happy now, eh?”

***

Introductions have been exchanged in Dutch followed by the usual trivial discussion of the weather, the traffic and so forth.

Headhunter: “Zullen we het interview in het Nederlands doen?” [Shall we do the interview in Dutch?]

Me: “Nou... ik liever in het Engels alsjeblieft. Mijn Nederlands is wel goed maar ik vind het best om dit interview in het Engels te voeren. Soms kan ik niet goed uitleggen wat ik precies in het Nederlands wil zeggen. In het Engels gaat allemaal vlot, makkelijk en automatisch.” [Well... I prefer in English please. My Dutch is good but I think its best that we conduct this interview in English. Sometimes I cannot express myself fully what I want to say in Dutch. With English, everything goes smooth, easy and automatic.]

Headhunter: “Maar het is goed voor jou om in het Nederlands te praten, toch? Jij woont hier in Nederland.” [But its good for you to speak Dutch right? You live here in the Netherlands.]

Me: “Natuurlijk, maar voor interviews vind ik het best om in het Engels te doen. De baan die jullie voor mij in het oog hebben is toch een internationale baan?” [Of course, but for interviews I think its best that we do this in English. The job that you have in mind for me is an international job right?] Which means the job is not dependent on Dutch.

By this time, my insides are boiling at 90C and my veins are almost about to erupt into a deluge of blood lava. Thing is, this is the first time ever that I encountered a professional and executive search caliber headhunter who is so adamant in speaking pure Dutch in the interview… when quite strange, during our email exchanges he wrote everything in English. I mean, WTF? Is he just pushing my buttons? I don’t cry and wave the discrimination flag easily. I have a thick hide and I do not resort to some insecurity complex defense. I think I am far above that so I kept my composure and remained professional throughout our conversation.

Headhunter: “Okee, ik stel je de vragen aan in het Nederlands. Je kunt in het Nederlands of in het Engels reageren... maar ik vind het nog best als je in het Nederlands spreekt maar doe maar wat je wilt.” [Okay, I will ask you the questions in Dutch. You can respond in Dutch or English. I still think its best that you speak Dutch but do whatever you want.] Uh, right… the prick, zeg.

Me: “Goed.” I kept my word so I then switched to English but like the erudite woman that I am, ha-ha *smirk*, I met him halfway and compromised with some sporadic Dutch.

I believe that I can now fluently speak Dutch but surely not on the ABN level yet [Algemeen Beschaafd Nederlands], which is something like Business Dutch.

One of my golden rules during interviews is to veer away from doing the activity in Dutch. Heaven forbid, I don’t want to sound like this -little nice foreign girl- and her terrible yet funny foreign accent, worse, speckled with wrong grammar and wrong usage of words. This happens! The downside consequence in this scenario is the loss of my persuasive image and my credibility which gives a great impact on the interviewer’s impression.

Words of wisdom: It is always best to use the language that we are articulate with because interviews mean selling ourselves. Image and impression are crucial factors and we should never ever play or sell them too short! No way.

Well, guess what? The arrogant bastard was not even doing his homework well as the job he had in mind for me was quite different from my qualifications. He not only wasted my time but his time as well!