Reflections on being childfree while having dinner in Friesland
A few days before we left for our summer holiday in Lesvos Island, Greece last month, Dutchman and I were invited by his very good friend to attend the confirmation of their youngest son in Friesland. The little boy is Dutchman’s godson and is one of the three musketeers, a nickname I call of the trio kids. After the celebrations, we stayed for dinner.
At 42 (that’s me) and 45 (that’s the Dutchman) we do not have children. When I moved to the Netherlands at the age of 32 I was busy rebuilding my life and career in this country that along the way I have seemed to have forgotten to build a family, haha.
But seriously, it’s a conscious and mutual decision. I have been through the grueling phase of friends and family asking me WHEN and WHY. Not many people seem to believe and understand that a woman can actually NOT want to have any children. Every time I see a mother with a baby, visions of sleepless nights, the baby crying and ‘uh-oh-there-goes-my-career-and-my-independent-lifestyle-down-the-drain’ flash in front of me. Am I selfish? Maybe, maybe not. But who cares? Because I don’t. What can I say, I just do not have the maternal instinct.
I run my life and I run it how I want it to be. I simply refuse to have children because it’s the next best and most logical step to do in life after a relationship. There is logic and reason you know. Such as, do I want to have children? And why do I want to have children? We all know that life isn’t based on automatic pilot. Life - living is an action word and such as decision making. We ultimately create our own destiny. We want to have children because we want to, and not because the neighbour has a kid and we don’t and our friends and family are pressuring us to. Although many couples out there have children because it just happened. That is fine as well.
I remember having a chat with a girlfriend a long time ago who also chose the route of not having children. She said—‘We are not childless, we are childfree.’
Wow. Words of wisdom. She’s right although both adjectives I find it not really fitting to describe myself... it is not that I cannot bear children (because I think I can) and I do not want the obligation (because I would if I want to). It’s the WILL.
This may sound a bit harsh especially to mothers and fathers out there as I am sure they love their own children, but I just need to say this for myself: I am very happy without a child right now. I do not ever want to change my life and lifestyle because I simply cannot imagine myself having a child. It is just not me.
But, that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy other people’s children for a day or at least for a few hours =)
And here’s our delicious dinner. A roasted whole chicken that smells so good, some oven-toasted potatoes with rosemary and spinach with creme fraiche. Quite simple but very tasty and hearty.
This is what home dinners are like. We love it.
It was time to say our goodbyes. Until our next visit!
Here are some Friesland views from the car on our way back to the Ranstad. The weather went amok, changing from rays of sunshine to thunderstorms and back. I tell you, if the Dutch weather has a gender, it would be a woman.
Travel Period: June 2012
Destination: Wolvega (Friesland), The Netherlands
Keep in touch and follow me on Facebook: Travel & Lifestyle Diaries by Dutched Pinay Travels
On the road to Friesland, about 2 hours drive. I look tired on this picture.
At 42 (that’s me) and 45 (that’s the Dutchman) we do not have children. When I moved to the Netherlands at the age of 32 I was busy rebuilding my life and career in this country that along the way I have seemed to have forgotten to build a family, haha.
But seriously, it’s a conscious and mutual decision. I have been through the grueling phase of friends and family asking me WHEN and WHY. Not many people seem to believe and understand that a woman can actually NOT want to have any children. Every time I see a mother with a baby, visions of sleepless nights, the baby crying and ‘uh-oh-there-goes-my-career-and-my-independent-lifestyle-down-the-drain’ flash in front of me. Am I selfish? Maybe, maybe not. But who cares? Because I don’t. What can I say, I just do not have the maternal instinct.
I run my life and I run it how I want it to be. I simply refuse to have children because it’s the next best and most logical step to do in life after a relationship. There is logic and reason you know. Such as, do I want to have children? And why do I want to have children? We all know that life isn’t based on automatic pilot. Life - living is an action word and such as decision making. We ultimately create our own destiny. We want to have children because we want to, and not because the neighbour has a kid and we don’t and our friends and family are pressuring us to. Although many couples out there have children because it just happened. That is fine as well.
I remember having a chat with a girlfriend a long time ago who also chose the route of not having children. She said—‘We are not childless, we are childfree.’
Wow. Words of wisdom. She’s right although both adjectives I find it not really fitting to describe myself... it is not that I cannot bear children (because I think I can) and I do not want the obligation (because I would if I want to). It’s the WILL.
This may sound a bit harsh especially to mothers and fathers out there as I am sure they love their own children, but I just need to say this for myself: I am very happy without a child right now. I do not ever want to change my life and lifestyle because I simply cannot imagine myself having a child. It is just not me.
But, that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy other people’s children for a day or at least for a few hours =)
The three musketeers are growing so fast! Little boy in blue is Dutchman's god son. He is such a sweet and adorable boy, you just want to hug him the whole time.
And here’s our delicious dinner. A roasted whole chicken that smells so good, some oven-toasted potatoes with rosemary and spinach with creme fraiche. Quite simple but very tasty and hearty.
This is what home dinners are like. We love it.
Well, I was useful in the cooking process. I helped peel the potatoes by the way =)
This is my plate. I requested for the wings. Yummy.
It was time to say our goodbyes. Until our next visit!
Here are some Friesland views from the car on our way back to the Ranstad. The weather went amok, changing from rays of sunshine to thunderstorms and back. I tell you, if the Dutch weather has a gender, it would be a woman.
Travel Period: June 2012
Destination: Wolvega (Friesland), The Netherlands
Keep in touch and follow me on Facebook: Travel & Lifestyle Diaries by Dutched Pinay Travels
Happy Travels! Enjoy Life =)
